I was looking through old photos on my phone and realized I took a photo of the last vision board I did. It was made at a time of transition. I think I made it after the last Christmas I had with my parents. I didn’t realize it was a time of transition though.

Shit. I think that’s right. Meaning, the last Christmas we had with my dad. I went back to Dallas and made a vision board. I remember making it on NYE and feeling calm while I was cutting out words and images. I felt at ease and almost praying to God as I sorted out my hopes and dreams.

I had prayed to God about moving to Houston. That it was on my heart but I’d trust God to either let it happen or not. But I felt like I was ready and that it could be the next right step.

The following year I worked remotely from Houston off and on, helping my mom and sister take care of my Dad as his brain cancer progressed. Just a devastating yet tender and bittersweet year. Grateful we had that time together. Real time to show my love and gratitude for my Dad. To help my Mom. To feel his love. So damn hard.

Even though the chemo began working, the toll of it was lasting and he died that year. 2015. Then I did move to Houston, officially. I got a new job and moved to Houston by 2016.

Today I was thinking of making a new vision board just to sort through my own thoughts, dreams and intentions. Even the progress is healing in a way. Creating something.

But then when I saw that photo, I just fucking froze. Because as much as I’m so ready for real change. Like REAL change. I don’t want something scary to happen next year. I just can’t bear the heartbreak of 2015 again. But I’m tired of being scared. I know it’s holding me back.

I guess the hard truth is that no matter what, scary things can happen at any time. Any year. Scary things have happened since 2015. They have. I’m still here. Good things have happened too. Joy moments. Laughter. Hugs. New experiences.

Not sure what I’ll do. For now posting these photos to commemorate 2024 and my intention for 2025. Peace and lights.