I’ve heard too many women in my life recently share their to do list of things they aren’t doing well. I only see all the stuff they ARE doing and all the ways they’re taking care of others. I’m so tired of wellness bullshit and cultural narratives acting like individuals can change systematic problems.

A mom who is taking courses to pursue a new field, helping her teens with the start of school and doing a book club.

A single mom of two kids in high school, working full time and leads a large team. Helping her aging mom.

A single woman who recently closed on her house, which she bought to also take care of her elder parents. Working full time.

It doesn’t matter what season of life you’re in. There are cultural signals and narratives, spoken and unspoken, of things we “should be doing,” and it’s so easy to feel like we’re not measuring up. Not enough time in the day.

I was walking at the park yesterday when it was absolutely gorgeous outside and heard a girl say to her friends, “They say you’re supposed to walk like 190 minutes a week.”

I had my headphones on and was walking the different direction so she couldn’t see me roll my eyes. I don’t know if her stat is right or wrong, and I don’t think she’s silly for sharing with her friends. I’m simply sick of the grand, “They”. The royal “they”. These so-called experts.

Some of the experts are science-based and have spent years studying in their field and focused on public health education, or fill-in-the-blank subject.

But others, they’re people on Instagram selling us shit. It’s the catchy advertisement from a global company that makes billions of dollars each year.

So, yeah, I do roll my eyes at “they.” Also even the science leaders. I love them and bless their hearts for trying but frankly it’s hard for us to worry about our movement and nutrition when sometime we can’t keep the power on because of extreme storms. Power we pay for, I may add. I don’t fault them but yeah, I’m not crushing my fitness goals when I’m staying weather aware of the next hurricane.

And then there’s the critic in our heads that compares us to the fake lives we think other people have. I’m guilty of this. There are times I feel like I’ll be a different person if I only drink enough water, get enough sleep, eat enough greens. I bought one of those giant jugs for water at Target once with the lines for water consumption. I literally wanted to scream at the register. This is IT! Look out, world! I’m going to be hydrated and ready to rock!

I use this said jug now to fill my toilet when the water is low. I think I used it for 2 days straight and then it was too large to carry around and it is now the bathroom water jug.

This is my long rambling way of saying you’re doing a good job. Just existing. Just making it through another freaking day. Just showing up. Getting out of bed each morning. We’re all so hard on ourselves but the truth is the world is on fire, corporate greed is at an all time high so costs are up, human rights are at stake and so many of our systems were only designed for people who are pale and male. Our systems are failing us. So yeah, shit is hard. It’s not you. Life is simply fucking hard. But we’re in it together.

Find 5 minutes to breathe and close your eyes. If the weather is nice, get outside and get some fresh air. Find 5 minutes to listen to your favorite song. Or call a friend and share a funny memory.

If you need a pick-me-up, listen to Alicia Keys’, “Good job“. You could also search your favorite music streamer for Snoop Dogg’s kids hits to find his Affirmation Song. The label is Doggyland. Song is Affirmation Song. It may or may not be what I listen to each morning to silence my inner critic.